Can we talk about needs? UGHHH!!! NEEDS?!? Really? right now??? yep!
Needs are a topic that have come up periodically while I’ve been on my own coaching journey. Recently I spiraled back around to them and thought I’d share what’s been happening with me in hopes of giving readers a new perspective or at least a little courage to try some new things.
Scientific fact, humans have needs. We need clean water to drink and healthy foods to eat. We need enough sleep and sunlight and movement and connection and community and touch and acknowledgement and sex and we need to laugh, and to feel valued, and we need to be able to express ourselves honestly, and we need pizza. This is just the short list!
What happens when our needs are not being met? Here’s what happens for me: I isolate and try to meet all my needs completely on my own. Care to guess how effective that is? yeaaaah, it’s not! Then… I feel needy. There, I said it. I feel needy. I get whiney and sad and I want all the things, right now. From there I want to shop and I want to eat foods. Let’s recap. Unmet, normal human needs can cause feeling of neediness and we start making decisions that are going to make us feel better in the moment. Power shopping and Ben & Jerry’s are surefire ways to make me feel better in the moment! Isolation, thinking I can do it all alone, eating more ice cream than one person should in one sitting and spending an hour or four in TJ Maxx are my quick fixes for not getting my needs met. They make me feel good for a little while, they distract me from the fact that I need a hug and or I need to be acknowledged for some hard work I’ve been doing or I’ve been saying “I’m fine! I’m great!” for too long and I’m really not either of those things and I need a good cry. If any this sounds familiar, read on!
OK, so you’ve identified that maybe you have a few needs that are not being met. Great! Now what? For me, making a daily list of my needs was really helpful. Write it down… on paper… with a pen. I spent a week documenting my needs on social media, check it out on Instagram at Dirty Girl Coaching. My hope for documenting was to #1 identify my needs super clearly so I could begin to find ways to get them met. and #2 to normalize needs, for myself and others. I’m human, not a robot. I have needs and they’re all over the board! There were a few unexpected outcomes of actually writing these lists of three or four needs each day.
First, I got shit done. When I wrote that I needed to find a graphic designer for a project I’ll be rolling out shortly, I reached out to someone that day, I’d been wanting to work with this person since I met her a few years ago! We made an appointment for a few days later, and hired her for the job. I also had another designer reach out to me!
Second, I got more responsible about getting my needs met. Often we (ok, I mean I) expect people in our lives to just automatically know and fulfill our needs. Reality check- that doesn’t always happen AND it’s not their responsibility to meet our needs. Yeah, read that again. It’s not our partner’s or friend’s or anyone else’s responsibility to automatically know and fill our needs. It’s truly our job to get ultra responsible for ourselves and find ways to get our needs met. You can ask your partner for a hug and to spend some time connecting. You can ask your BFF to acknowledge you for the amazing job you’ve done at work lately. But I promise you they’re not mind readers, they wont always know what you need unless you ask. ALSO! They may not be able or willing to help you get your needs met, but you’ll never know unless you ask.
Here’s where it gets a little woowoo. If you’re not into that, skip to the next paragraph! 😉 It seemed like once I clearly identified what I needed, opportunities presented themselves and the need was filled. It’s some good ole Law of Attraction magic. If you’re new to the Law of Attraction google it or find What the Bleep Do We know on Netflix! Similar to our partner or friends or family not being mind readers and meeting our needs automatically, the universe or god isn’t going to do it either. We gotta ask. And in order to ask, we need to clearly identify what is it we need. there’s no room for wishy washy.
So, where are you at? Are you feeling like you have some unknown, unmet needs? Will you commit to take some time to make a little list each day for a while? Do you feel like you know what your needs are but are still struggling to get them met? Will you commit to asking for the people who know you and love you to help? I know it feels scary but my job as a coach is to empower people to step out of their comfort zone and into the unknown. The unknown is where possibility lives and thrives! Go there!
If you’ve read this and feel like you need support, please reach out! I’m currently putting together a group coaching project that is designed to get participants connected and into action from a place of deep commitment to themselves and their all around well being. Think of it as being stuffed into a slingshot and shot forward into your life!
cant wait to hear from you! xoxo Heidi