NEEEEEDS

Can we talk about needs? UGHHH!!! NEEDS?!? Really? right now??? yep!

Needs are a topic that have come up periodically while I’ve been on my own coaching journey. Recently I spiraled back around to them and thought I’d share what’s been happening with me in hopes of giving readers a new perspective or at least a little courage to try some new things.

Scientific fact, humans have needs. We need clean water to drink and healthy foods to eat. We need enough sleep and sunlight and movement and connection and community and touch and acknowledgement and sex and we need to laugh, and to feel valued, and we need to be able to express ourselves honestly, and we need pizza. This is just the short list!

What happens when our needs are not being met? Here’s what happens for me: I isolate and try to meet all my needs completely on my own. Care to guess how effective that is? yeaaaah, it’s not! Then… I feel needy. There, I said it. I feel needy. I get whiney and sad and I want all the things, right now. From there I want to shop and I want to eat foods. Let’s recap. Unmet, normal human needs can cause feeling of neediness and we start making decisions that are going to make us feel better in the moment. Power shopping and Ben & Jerry’s are surefire ways to make me feel better in the moment! Isolation, thinking I can do it all alone, eating more ice cream than one person should in one sitting and spending an hour or four in TJ Maxx are my quick fixes for not getting my needs met. They make me feel good for a little while, they distract me from the fact that I need a hug and or I need to be acknowledged for some hard work I’ve been doing or I’ve been saying “I’m fine! I’m great!” for too long and I’m really not either of those things and I need a good cry. If any this sounds familiar, read on!

OK, so you’ve identified that maybe you have a few needs that are not being met. Great! Now what? For me, making a daily list of my needs was really helpful. Write it down… on paper… with a pen. I spent a week documenting my needs on social media, check it out on Instagram at Dirty Girl Coaching. My hope for documenting was to #1 identify my needs super clearly so I could begin to find ways to get them met. and #2 to normalize needs, for myself and others. I’m human, not a robot. I have needs and they’re all over the board! There were a few unexpected outcomes of actually writing these lists of three or four needs each day.

First, I got shit done. When I wrote that I needed to find a graphic designer for a project I’ll be rolling out shortly, I reached out to someone that day, I’d been wanting to work with this person since I met her a few years ago! We made an appointment for a few days later, and hired her for the job. I also had another designer reach out to me!

Second, I got more responsible about getting my needs met. Often we (ok, I mean I) expect people in our lives to just automatically know and fulfill our needs. Reality check- that doesn’t always happen AND it’s not their responsibility to meet our needs. Yeah, read that again. It’s not our partner’s or friend’s or anyone else’s responsibility to automatically know and fill our needs. It’s truly our job to get ultra responsible for ourselves and find ways to get our needs met. You can ask your partner for a hug and to spend some time connecting. You can ask your BFF to acknowledge you for the amazing job you’ve done at work lately. But I promise you they’re not mind readers, they wont always know what you need unless you ask. ALSO! They may not be able or willing to help you get your needs met, but you’ll never know unless you ask.

Here’s where it gets a little woowoo. If you’re not into that, skip to the next paragraph! 😉 It seemed like once I clearly identified what I needed, opportunities presented themselves and the need was filled. It’s some good ole Law of Attraction magic. If you’re new to the Law of Attraction google it or find What the Bleep Do We know on Netflix! Similar to our partner or friends or family not being mind readers and meeting our needs automatically, the universe or god isn’t going to do it either. We gotta ask. And in order to ask, we need to clearly identify what is it we need. there’s no room for wishy washy.

So, where are you at? Are you feeling like you have some unknown, unmet needs? Will you commit to take some time to make a little list each day for a while? Do you feel like you know what your needs are but are still struggling to get them met? Will you commit to asking for the people who know you and love you to help? I know it feels scary but my job as a coach is to empower people to step out of their comfort zone and into the unknown. The unknown is where possibility lives and thrives! Go there!

If you’ve read this and feel like you need support, please reach out! I’m currently putting together a group coaching project that is designed to get participants connected and into action from a place of deep commitment to themselves and their all around well being. Think of it as being stuffed into a slingshot and shot forward into your life!

cant wait to hear from you! xoxo Heidi

Lisa L

What happens when you work one-on-one with Dirty Girl?

Through Dirty Girl’s patient, articulate, and insightful coaching, you finally learn to trust and recognize that quiet voice inside your head that’s been crushed by too many “how could you possibly think that?” voices. You finally learn to listen to your instincts, rather than excusing others’ controlling or manipulative or narcissistic behaviors, believing– caretaker you– sociopaths are just sleep- deprived or unduly burdened. You learn that it’s your birthright to honor and trust your heart, to lead your life with a happy heart, abundant with love and peace.

Dirty Girl helps you peel away your layers of fear. You reacquaint yourself with the most pure, authentic, vivid you. You act joyfully and truthfully from deep in your heart, from the place that honors and celebrates your perfect imperfections. You learn to say hello, fearlessly, to yourself.

Thank you, Dirty Girl, for the year-long journey, for the infectious laughter and tears, and for introducing me to a long- lost friend: me.

Rachael L.

I believe people are put on your path for a purpose. Heidi was truly a gift along my journey. I worked with Heidi for one month and it was absolutely transformative for me. Within 10 minutes of our first session, I felt like I was talking to a dear friend I had known my whole life. She has a way about her that makes you feel real, appreciated, and heard. Her compassion and patience is unrivaled. I have been to several therapist and counselors in my life and can honestly say that Heidi helped me more in four sessions than all others combined. She opened a door for me and made me take and honest look in the mirror, made it safe to be vulnerable and to step outside my comfort zone, and gave me practical exercises and strategies I could apply to my life every day. She helped me find my light and realize my truth and worth. I am forever grateful for the lessons she shared with me. I most definitely recommend working with Heidi! She is without question and Earth angel.

Perfect Illusion

SD

Mistaken for love, it wasn’t love

It was a perfect illusion

~Lady Gaga

I’m pretty excited to quote Lady Gaga in my blog post tonight… and I’m also horrified about a recent discovery about (gasp) my perfectionism. My coach pointed it out to me on Friday morning and a few hours after that I ran it by my therapist. I was dumbfounded when he agreed. What? Perfectionist? How? Nooooo. Wait? What? Ummm….

Here’s a bit of the background to catch you up to speed. I’m currently organizing an anger on purpose workshop (more on this amazing opportunity later!). I’ve never done this before. I assume organizing and executing a workshop involves having a badass topic, a date and time, a location, people to sign up and pay me, and supplies, then I need to show up and do the thing. Seems pretty clear cut, right? Except… I don’t have a location. Stay with me, I’m getting to the point of this perfectionism story. I’ve reached out to a few people, asked around, made a couple of calls and still no venue, so all prep work and promotion and planning for this workshop came to a screeching halt.

My coach pointed out that I was allowing the missing venue piece to stop me. This is where the perfectionism comes in. Maybe moving forward with planning this event without a venue is reckless. Maybe my reputation as a legit life coach will take a hit. Maybe I’ll lose clients because they think my proverbial cheese has slid off my cracker. OR Just maybe I’ll have to step up my game and find the damn venue already. Maybe I’ll have to get over my quaking in my boots terror of talking to people about anger. Maybe I’ll have to not stop where I normally would stop and do the workshop that I’ve been talking about and dreaming about for months. Gulp. My perfectionism, my desire to have it all lined up neatly is getting in the way of actually doing the thing!!! Shit.

How many other events, opportunities, possibilities have I let slip by because I didn’t have the perfect shoes, or my promotional materials hadn’t arrived in the mail yet, or my logo wasn’t quite right yet, or yeah… you get the picture!

So the show must go on even without a venue locked down. Planning and promotion of Dirty Girl Coaching’s first anger on purpose workshop is continuing.

So where is perfectionism creating a stop in YOUR life? Are you curious about partnering with a coach and shining a big ass flash light on your shadowy perfectionism and creating a new, exciting possibility for yourself? Of course you are! Reach out! I’d love to chat with you about it!

And finally… my heart is racing as I’m typing this! Are you angry? Have you recently (or not so recently) been dumped by the love of your life? Gotten fired? Are you fed up with our current administration? There’s no anger too big or small for this event! My anger on purpose workshop to be held on February 16, 2019 in the Plattsburgh, NY area will give participants the space to talk about anger, what happens when we express it, what happens when we suppress it. Participants will have opportunities to express anger in safe and creative ways. We’ll create opportunities for completion and forgiveness and each member of the group will be supported to create an action plan to propel their lives forward in a new way.

Sound like something you might like to participate in? Contact me either at dirtygirlcoaching@gmail.com or on the contact form here on my website! Space is limited and pre-registration is required.

Can’t wait to hear from you!!

xoxo Heidi
D

Don’t Know Much About History…

helllooooo!! It’s me, Heidi, owner of Dirty Girl Coaching and this is my first official BLOG POST! Hot Damn!
I thought perhaps I should write a bit about how I got here. Here being, the owner of a relationship and life coaching practice and an honest to goodness entrepreneur! It all started about 3 1/2 years ago. I was in NYC visiting my old friend, Tim. There I was, picture it, sprawled on his couch, drinking his expensive wine, sniffling about yet another failed romantic relationship. This one was a gem. I’d plunged in head first, heart open, eyes apparently blinded by the copious, ginormous, red flags billowing before them. Yep. Crash and burn. With my self esteem taking the brunt of the impact. The wine and the change of scene in NYC provided a flash of clarity… I was the common denominator. It was crystal clear that I was settling, repeatedly, for the same douche baggery. WHOA.

Tim had been working with a coach for a while and at the time was enrolled in Accomplishment Coaching’s leadership and life coach training program. I’d noticed a massive transformation in who he was. Our 15 year friendship had grown massively wider and deeper since he’d begun working with a coach so when he said to me, “what do you think about doing some work with a life coach?” my response was, “yeah, I think it’s time.” Within 15 minutes he had me on the phone with a coach in his training program. Within two weeks I was signing a contract and forking over a terrifyingly substantial amount of moolah to work with said coach and from that point on life got completely different.

I spent 18 months working with that coach before enrolling in the same leadership and life coaching training program to become a coach! I started out creating a relationship project. The end goal… get a ring on it! While there currently still isn’t a ring on it, I’m now fully aware of the man I’m looking for. More importantly, I’m fully aware of who I am in this world. I know parts of myself that I had no idea existed! From rage and hate to kink and the divine and all kinds of juicy stuff in between. I know me. I’ve also created rock solid support systems to ensure I can continue heading down this road and I don’t have to do it alone! I’ve got to tell you… the process to get here, the consistent support that working with a coach provided was worth every damn penny. EVERY. DAMN. PENNY.

I still work with a coach! I don’t have it all figured out. I think when we get it all figured out we’re dead! EEEK! So I’m no where near having it all figured out BUT! I’m further ahead than I was 3 years ago!

If this blog post resonates with you, please reach out! The right coach can help you change your life. No shit!
xoxo
Heidi